Last night I went to the Drive in movies with my friends, the first time i’ve been without you. A lot of memories flashed back to me, and I was sad. Then, I realised something.
I have been trying my best to avoid everything that has anything to do with you, or with us. I have had my friends keep me busy, I haven’t slept one night without my best friend by my side until now, because I can’t bare to wake up at 3am and role over, only to realise that there is a big empty space next to me and no one hogging the blankets. I have had my mother remove every photograph, every t shirt every small memory of you down to your tooth brush and hide it until I am ready. But worst of all, every time I go somewhere – or drive somewhere, I can’t help but say ‘this is where…’
Last night, I had a great time. Despite the fact that this place had been the host for so many memories, I realised last night that I can make new ones.
They say when you go through a heartbreak there is a stage of mourning. Much like death, maybe not as extreme, I don’t know really – but non the less, you mourn because someone who used to be such a large part of your life is suddenly no longer there. It’s like they have just evaporated into thin air. Even though the Drive in is still there. Even though my house is still here. Even though my Netflix account still has Sons of Anarchy, Arrow and Vikings in the recently watched – You are no longer here to watch them.
It’s a crude realisation, but also a little bit comforting to know that the world does go on, and things will get better. It is not the drive in’s fault – avoiding it will not make me feel better. It is not the fault of our favourite restaurant, i am sure the food there is just as good with out you sitting across the table from me – And although we will never go camping together again, I am sure that the sand there is still just as white. Everything is the exact same, life is going on, you just aren’t here.
Before you, I made memories, With you, I made memories. Without you, I will make memories.
And I am going to be okay with that.